SW FIC: songs in his head.

[remotenesses]

When he meditates by himself in the Meditation Garden, he does so in song. In the privacy of his own mental landscape, he taps into the Force in the manner of his old people, singing the Rahamians’ traditional prayers under muttering breath, hands on his knees, legs crossed beneath him and head held high. Elio is aware, of course, that the Council knows and disapproves, as they only barely tolerate his possession of the Rahamian Scriptures, when he isn’t supposed to possess anything as an apprentice of the Order. Master Kenobi understands it better, he thinks, but he worries and they’ve had the talk many, many times, why Elio feels it necessary to hold onto parts of his old self, when that is not who he is anymore. Elio has tried to explain it, that it’s not truly a matter of connection, it’s pure practicality. He never feels stronger than when he can enter the Force through that specific channel. He isn’t weak without it, he’s just stronger with the prayers and the Scriptures in Old Writ - and maybe that’s the problem, at the core of it. How he desires that strength, rather than accepting what he can obtain on his own through the ways of the Jedi Order. Maybe that is why Master Kenobi is being so careful with him, training him in every ability besides actual, practical combat skill. Every other Padawan in the Temple has been on missions with their Masters and other Masters, too, but Master Kenobi is delegating him to the Archives and making him train younglings instead. Elio doesn’t question it, he knows Master Kenobi’s history with his last Padawan, after all, Master Skywalker has a reputation, too, a very different one from Elio, so part of him feels a certain gratitude that his Master is trying to protect him. Even if it’s unnecessary. As much as he loves the Archives and Master Nu, as much as he suspects – once the War is over – that is where his path lies, Elio isn’t too frail for the front. That his powers are fuelled differently than most others’ doesn’t mean he can’t and shouldn’t fight. But Master Kenobi will either realize this on his own or be forced to yield to the Council who can’t spare anyone anymore and either way, Elio is ready. Elio is ready, with the songs in his head and the Scriptures in his heart.